Gourmet Gross

Posted: December 3, 2012 in School sagas
Tags: , ,

As I have studied throughout the past few months, I have noticed a rather disturbing trend in the science of medicine. This trend, as it stands, aims to destroy all the joy I derive from my daily habits. What is this trend? Well, it is the rather unhealthy relationship that our medical professionals have with food.

Only someone who is severely disturbed would describe a collection of macrophages walling off some noxious stimuli as a “caseating” or “non-caseating” granuloma. For those of you without a background in a second language, this seemingly innocuous little title actually serves to differentiate granulomas based on their resemblance to cheese. That’s right, cheese. Some physician way back in the day opened up a patient, noticed a mass somewhere in their body, and said to themselves: “That looks a lot like cheese.” Now, tell me: what normal, sane person would look at this and decide that it looks decidedly like a foodstuff?

I know what you’re thinking. “But surely this is a limited instance! And it does kind of look like cheese anyways.” This would be where I terrify you with further examples of scary pictures described like food.

For example, a relatively common complication of strep throat is what is called scarlet fever. One of the more interesting symptoms of scarlet fever is what is called “strawberry tongue”. This is where the papillae (taste buds) of the tongue become inflamed and appear like seeds on a strawberry.

But two examples don’t demonstrate a disturbing, disturbing pattern, do they? Well, how about the “honey-coloured crust” associated with impetigo? Or salt-and-pepper retinopathy? Eggplant deformity? Chocolate cysts? Red currant jelly stool? Or how about peau d’orange? I dare you to google some of these terms.

Ultimately, I think this adds up to a conspiracy to reduce my food choices down to celery and rice. Oh wait – there’s also rice water diarrhea. Looks like celery and I are going to have some good times.

  1. Julie Frayn says:

    Ugh. Really wishing I hadn’t clicked on that link… I bet I’ve got a couple of chocolate cysts. Or at least a bunch of fat (resembling cottage cheese) that’s due to too much chocolate. 🙂 I’ll let you know if your post caused me to lose weight. But doubting it will…

  2. Monica Wagner says:

    Ick. I’ll join you on the celery. Do doctors have anything against lettuce or carrots? I suppose we can’t eat cauliflower either.

  3. Your title says it all… Celery with cheese whiz? Perhaps fake cheese won’t bring those images to mind. 🙂

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